or: Why I'll never call it Good Friday again...
Okay, so someone commented on my last blog article that maybe I should talk to him about the way I feel...they offered very sweet and wise advice, and I appreciate that, but I told them that I HAVE talked to him, but he was (and is) the king of ambiguous...so I guess I should explain...
So here goes:
A few years ago on Good Friday, I was working late, and as usual I was wrestling with the inner demons that were my romantic feelings and desires for said man. He wound up coming in that day too. She had taken their son and gone to the lake for the weekend. He decided not to go until Saturday morning.
For some reason, I decided that that night was the night to talk to him. I don't know why, but it was. So I gathered all my courage and went to his office. I stood there like a schoolgirl with a crush instead of the confident, self-assured woman I normally am. I started to tell him how I felt, making him promise to shut up and let me talk before he said anything...but of course, he couldn't keep his mouth shut.
He interrupted me and told me that he knew how I felt, he had known for a long time. I asked him if it was going to ruin our friendship and he said no, that it would MAKE US EVEN CLOSER...(what the fuck does that mean?) and that it was okay, that I "needed to say it."
Then he TURNED AWAY FROM ME, LOOKED DOWN AT THE FLOOR, and proceeded to tell the floor (who I assume didn't really care) that there was "no way" that he could ever leave her, and that nothing was ever going to happen. He never said "I don't love you" or "I don't feel that way about you" or "I can't be friends with you" or "You shouldn't feel that way about me" or "You should back off and leave me alone" or anything...that's all he said.
From that moment on, he was more attentive and sweet and loving to me...for a while. Then it seemed like things started to change...but not before they got a lot weirder...
But that night, that "Good Friday" was when it all started. It was the beginning and the end.